9/23/03 - Byron Bay, Australia, Byron Bay Community Center

[Cokelike]

9/23/03 - Byron Bay, Australia, Byron Bay Community Center

This was the 10th performance of the Australian tour. Chan played solo for this concert.

Fan Review

THE CONCERT (probably not a very objective review)

She was wearing jeans, a baby doll dress she said she was wearing to make her look pregnant because she wanted a child so much, ballerina slippers, and a cap that said 'if it sucks gas, it kicks ass'. She said it was her Australian hat, and then said 'but what does it mean?'. (Actually it's an american slogan, we have petrol not gas, and we spell it arse not ass, which is some kind of donkey.) When people said to take off the hat, she said, "Nope, I gotta get to know you first." She had a beer with her. She started on guitar (there was a piano set up in the corner), and from the first note she sung I got shivers. That was it, I was in complete awe and wonder for the rest of the show. She's really funny and honest and obscure when she talks between songs, or in the middle of them, then she'll launch into an amazing vocal. I think she's embarrassed by the power of her voice, she didn't really let go as much as I wanted her to. She had a lot of reverb on it, which sounded incredible. She did a lot of familiar songs with different chords and melodies. Lot's of them I didn't recognise, but a few were 'straight'. Her piano playing is wonderful too, the songs sound intense when she uses piano. She joked around a lot, playing stuff over and over again, then saying "I could play that all day". She apologised a lot for stopping songs, or not really being into it, and being unprofessional. She hinted she had some kind of personal story to tell, but then she said she wouldnt because people didnt really like hearing other people's shit. When a woman yelled out "But we love your shit", she laughed and said "classy lady". After every song she would stop kind of abruptly with "What kinda song do ya all want to hear?". She said 'dude' a lot. She made the lighting guy turn the lights right down, we could barely see her. (I had my sketch-book with me, but was too busy looking at her and soaking her in to try and draw her). She did eventually take off the hat, only to hide behind her wonderful hair. She said she was feeling weird, she didnt know if it was the beer or the massage she had had earlier. She said she wasn't really 'feeling it'. I was terrified every time she said that because I really didn't want her to leave. She took a break to go pee, then had her friend come on to play guitar while she went and hid behind the piano and made hand puppets while singing, doing Aretha Franklin and Prince impersonations. Eventually she said, "Can I please go", and while I really didn't want it to stop, it was obvious she was kind of having a hard time having to perform. It was more performance art than concert, and it was actually really good performance art, the performance art of someone just being a real human being, and an incredibly charming one. She also did actually do quite a few 'real' songs. And they were incredible. I think it was about an hour and a half's worth, maybe two. I was (and still am, it's only 2 days later) in a beautiful state of shock. She made me love her in a whole new way, one more based on reality and not just stupid fantasies of her. I want to have her children.

Okay, this is going to be a self indulgent rave on Cat Power and how she affected me. This is the part where I went back stage and sat in her presence until we got kicked out. From the phrase 'sat in her presence', you can probably tell I'm coming from a place of awe and worship of her amazing personality. I have been listening to Cat Power for about five years, and my emotional investment in her has been pretty big, probably inappropriate and adolescently naive, but that's me, I'm a bit of an isolated loser. At the end of her show, me and my friend walked up a spiral staircase backstage to a room where she was just hanging out and smoking. There were a couple of other fans there, plus her band friends who she didn't actually play with for this gig. I wasn't real sure if we were welcome or not, but considering I had been fantasising about this person for some years who was normally on the other side of the planet, I think I needed to just take the opportunity to be around her, even if it was as a parasite. She was talking to this other fan who was more confident, talking easily and showing her his Cat Power based art - and the teenage girls were just kind of sitting there staring, like me. My heart was beating so fast, but I eventually controlled it a bit. She is unbelievably cute. I tried to say a few pretty pointless things, I mentioned I played violin if she needed a violin player (she already had one), but I could tell she wasn't particularly impressed, or maybe I was just too embarrasingly awkward for her. I know she hates idolation and just doesn't get it, and she's absolutely right, it's a pathological state that reflects an emotional immaturity; but fuck, the psychic intensity and humanism of her voice and songwriting is like a magical spell, sometimes it heals you, sometimes it rubs you raw, but it always makes you feel more alive - it's pretty impossible not to look up to someone who can do that. Eventually I just sat and listened to her talking to her other fans who were better able to just be normal, I think I might have given her the creeps, or she didnt know what the fuck to make of me. I felt really awkward, and I wasn't sure if we should just leave, but I hung on. Probably she just barely noticed me. The room was incredibly stuffy and filling up with smoke from all the cigarettes. I asked her if she had come straight from America to Byron, or been playing around Australia (I had no idea of her tour dates, it was actually her second to last show) and one of the band guys made a derogatory comment, like 'yeah we flew all that distance just to play here'. Made me sink even lower into self disgust. She said it was a terrible show, but I think she could have just sat on stage eating a banana and talking and I would have been entranced. It was worth it just for her incredibly beautiful personality. She's a fairly 'bouncy' person, and she wants to have kids. I just can't believe there's no-one wanting to help her out. I'd volunteer, even if she just wanted my sperm and never to see me again. She got me to show her my home-made t-shirt of PJ Harvey I was wearing, I said I was going to make one of her and she shook her head like, 'no, don't do that to me'. Just more of her self-effacing attitude I think. She doesn't seem to be aware of what she means to some people, but that's probably as it should be. Her attitude seems to be 'anyone can do what i do'. That's bullshit, her voice is some kind of genetic wake up call telling people to remember they are alive - not everyone has that power. In the end I don't think she's actually 'special', I think she's just one of the few people who are actually alive and human and honest, and it's the rest of us who are fucked up and repressed. I left with this impression, feeling like a complete freak, wishing I could engage and connect with the truly beautiful people in the world, of which she is the prime example, and knowing I couldn't. It hurt a lot, and I cried for an hour when I eventually got home. when we eventually had to leave (the venue was closing) all the other people got hugs, I didnt even try, it would have been too weird for her. Or maybe it was because I was just an evil man and they were all beautiful girls (is my persecution complex showing?). But I'll get over it. And she's coming back in January, maybe I'll get another chance to be almost human with her.